Os filhos únicos são infelizes?

Nos versos da música Filho único, Cazuza (que é uma pessoa que faz falta) nos diz: “você tem que entender que sou filho único, que os filhos únicos são seres infelizes”. Existe o mito de que eles são infelizes, mimados, egocêntricos, problemáticos, temperamentais e verdadeiros ditadores! Contudo, pesquisas revelam que os filhos únicos não apresentam diferenças comportamentais relevantes, quando comparados a filhos que têm irmãos. Na verdade, o comportamento deles vai depender da formação que recebem: se forem educados com afeto e com limites eles serão socialmente ajustados e vão crescer seguros de si. É claro que faz falta a competição saudável com os irmãos pelo maior pedaço de bolo ou pelos brinquedos e também não poder vivenciar sua raiva e agressividade nas brincadeiras, em casa, com os irmãos. Mas não é o fundamental!

Atualmente, está surgindo um novo modelo de família (com um filho só), especialmente nas camadas de melhor nível socioeconômico (dados do IBGE) em função da elevada taxa de divórcios, de problemas econômicos, a opção pela maternidade tardia, pouca disponibilidade de tempo dos pais e até a insegurança nos grandes centros urbanos. Aliás, esta é uma nova realidade mundial.

 

 

Tudo para ele(a)!

 

Qualquer pessoa que crescer com o “excesso de tudo”, vai se achar o centro do mundo, não aprende a valorizar o que tem, não sabe dividir, tem sempre que ganhar e ditar as regras nas brincadeiras  e termina ficando isolado, porque a realidade não é bem assim. Além do que, tudo o que vem muito fácil é menos valorizado. O excesso de cuidados também termina sendo prejudicial, pois nossos filhos nunca serão tão especiais e essenciais para os outros como são para nós.

A educação do filho(a) único(a) não deverá ser mais rígida e nem mais condescendente que a que teria se tivesse irmãos. Os pais devem ter muito cuidado em não concentrar nele todas as suas expectativas, pois os filhos não conseguem atender a todas as demandas dos pais e como não têm irmãos para dividir esse ônus, se sentirão obrigados a ter que corresponder aos desejos deles e isso poderá torná-los adultos com poucos recursos emocionais e sociais.

 

Compromisso com a felicidade

 

Não deixe que seus medos e inseguranças os transformem em pais superprotetores. Criem seus filhos únicos ou não, preparando-os para a vida, e isso implica em que aprendam a se defender e a ter liberdade para correr riscos. É muito saudável que o filho único tenha convivência próxima com outras crianças (primos, vizinhos, colegas da escola), pois um adulto jamais substitui uma criança na brincadeira (não conseguimos inventar detalhes e nem viver a loucura natural da brincadeira infantil). Estimule que seu filho traga seus amigos para casa para passar o dia e até dormir e deixe-o freqüentar a casa dos amigos para que ele possa conviver com outros estilos de família. Incentive-o(a) a praticar esportes coletivos, a participar das atividades da escola, a brincar e não apenas ficar em frente à TV ou ao computador, como forma de buscar uma socialização saudável.

O filho único não deve virar o companheiro dos pais em todos os programas, pois, é na convivência com outras crianças, que eles aprendem a compartilhar, brigar, disputar, fazer as pazes, aprender a negociar e abrir mão de coisas… A felicidade não é privilégio de quem tem irmãos e sim, é decorrência dos vínculos amorosos que se faz ao longo da vida. Ser filho único não traz prejuízos a saúde mental e emocional de ninguém.

É Cazuza, dessa vez você estava errado!

785 comentários

  1. Sou mãe de filho unico. Tive problemas psiquiátricos e por isso não tive mais filhos. Me sentia culpada, mas essa publicação me aliviou muito. Obrigada!

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