A hora do adeus

A paixão é algo que costuma acontecer de repente e de forma natural na vida da gente – não exige esforço e nem dá trabalho, simplesmente acontece. É assim: você conhece alguém que lhe atrai e lhe encanta, surgem as afinidades, os desejos comuns e quando você se dá conta o outro já se tornou essencial, povoa seus sonhos e se transforma em motivo de felicidade. Como a vontade de ficar junto só cresce, vocês decidem ampliar o tempo de convivência e intimidade e casam, sonhando construir juntos uma relação de amor, tranqüilidade, segurança e paz.

No início de todo o relacionamento é comum idealizar o parceiro e valorizar as afinidades, mas, com a convivência desgastante do dia-a- dia, as diferenças se tornam mais marcantes e, se vocês não conseguiram  construir uma relação em que a lealdade, a cumplicidade, o afeto, o prazer e o respeito às diferenças (o que inclui a aceitação do outro da forma como ele é) estejam presentes, com o tempo a relação torna-se superficial e vazia. Quando você constata que o amor, os sonhos e os projetos comuns deixam de existir, vem a certeza de que o casamento acabou e que viver junto não dá mais certo.

Não há fim sem dor

Acabar um relacionamento amoroso, especialmente um casamento, não é nada fácil. É um momento difícil e doloroso na vida do casal e implica em perdas, frustrações, sensação de fracasso e impotência por não terem conseguido manter o relacionamento. Além de todo sofrimento emocional da vivência da perda,  quem se separa ainda tem que  acomodar a sua dor e a dos filhos e ter serenidade para estabelecer junto com seu ex-companheiro novas bases financeiras para a vida da família – algumas vezes a separação provoca perdas financeiras e alteração no padrão de vida.

Muitas vezes, a ilusão da mudança (aquela esperança de tudo se ajeitar) e o medo de ficar só  e  enfrentar a vida… adiam a decisão do rompimento amoroso. Mas, acaba chegando o momento em que um dos membros do casal percebe que já se esgotaram as possibilidades de resgate da felicidade e do prazer de uma vida a dois e propõe a separação, talvez, até porque, já esteja envolvido com outra pessoa e o outro, mesmo não querendo, vai ter que lidar com o sofrimento pelo término da relação. A dor da separação é grande,  mas passa…. a vida continua e pode até lhe reservar surpresas muito agradáveis.

Começar de novo 

Quando o casamento acaba, leva um tempo para a pessoa se desacostumar da presença do outro e, quem permanece na casa (normalmente a mulher), deve procurar se proteger um pouco , pois vai ter que conviver com tantos objetos e espaços repletos de histórias e memórias. Pra começar, peça pra ele arrumar e levar as coisas dele num momento que você e os filhos não estejam em casa, nada de participar da “hora do adeus”; mesmo assim, saiba que é difícil voltar pra casa e ver armários e espaços vazios (igualzinho a como você deve estar se sentindo, com um vazio interior), trate de ocupá-los imediatamente com as suas coisas.

Agora que a “casa é sua”, modifique algumas coisas: guarde os porta-retratos com as fotos do casal; ponha o álbum de casamento no maleiro; embale os objetos que tenham um significado muito especial no contexto da vida do casal; modifique a posição dos móveis e cor das paredes, redefina os ambientes, modifique a moldura dos espaços e arrume a sua casa de um outro jeito, do mesmo modo que você vai precisar arrumar a sua vida. Crie pra você várias possibilidades de desejos e sonhos e quando a tristeza quiser lhe devorar, respire fundo e cante baixinho “começar de novo e contar comigo, vai valer a pena ter amanhecido…“ Volte a ser dona(o) da sua vida.

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